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TWO NEW COHOUSING COMMUNITIES
IN ANN ARBOR, MICHIGAN
These two new communities along with Sunward make this the largest
concentration of cohousing in the US.
Great Oak, the second Cohousing community in Ann Arbor, completed building in
2003. Great Oak consists of a total of 37 households, ranging from young
families to retired couples. About half of us have kids living at home.
What does Great Oak Cohousing offer?
Thirty-seven individually-owned, complete condominiums with 2, 3, and 4 bedrooms
Ecologically-sensitive building and site design that preserves the land's
natural beauty
An intergenerational, friendly atmosphere that is safe for children and
conducive to visiting with neighbors
A large community building, called a common house, for optional shared meals and
other activities
Scio Township location, fewer than ten minutes from downtown Ann Arbor, in the
Ann Arbor School District, with city water and sewer
And much much more. Please explore the site to learn more...
Contact us: (734) 929-6565 contact@gocoho.org
www.gocoho.org/
Touchstone Cohousing is the third of the Little Lake Cohousing communities
located in Scio Township on Little Lake Road.
As of June 13, 2005, Touchstone has four buildings under construction and more
on the way!
We are a group of families and single persons (19 families as of June 2005)
working to create a 46-unit cohousing neighborhood. We are seeking new members
who wish to be a part of the blend of community and privacy that is unique to
cohousing: shared resources and community meals; creation and participatory
management of our neighborhood; and private condominium home ownership.
Our planned neighborhood, located on six acres of meadows with adjoining woods
and wetlands will be a mixed-income intergenerational village. A large common
building, or Common House, will offer a large kitchen and dining room for
optional shared meals, space for social activities and childrens play space, and
a guest room for overnight guests of the residents. It will feature a
pedestrian-oriented design and environmentally sensitive construction.
We are a diverse blend of incomes and life-situations. One of our visions is to
create a people-oriented neighborhood where our children can play safely, and
have many adults to mentor them, as well as where our elder members are
appreciated for their life wisdom and can contribute to all aspects of community
life.
Contact Us
There are a number of ways for you to contact us and get involved in Touchstone
Cohousing:
Call Us: 734-663-5516
E-mail Us: nick@cohousingdevelopment.com (Nick Meima)
Write Us: Cohousing Development Company, 424 Little Lake Drive, #18, Ann Arbor,
MI 48103
www.ic.org/touchstone
Communication, Process and Dealing with Conflict:
The heart of a healthy community
by Diana Leafe Christian
This article, excerpted from Creating a Life Together: Practical Tools to Grow Ecovillages and Intentional Communities (New Society Publishers, 2003), offers the opportunity for deeper awareness about how you can learn from and grow from conflicts that arise in your cohousing community, plus tips on how to communicate more harmoniously with your neighbors.
Most of us don't realize that our wider society is dysfunctional because it's just ourselves, doing what we habitually do, but multiplied and magnified by millions of people. When we see governments or corporations using manipulative, controlling or punishing behaviors - through threats, terrorist attacks or outright war - it frightens and disgusts us. But when we do the small-scale versions of these same ploys ourselves, we don't see it. We may revile ““terrorists,”” but what about our own choice of words and tone of voice this morning with our partner or child? This is why good process is so important in cohousing. For life in community to be better than it was before, we've got to be better than we were before. In fact, we need good process skills more when we're involved in cohousing, since the community process tends to trigger faster-than-normal spiritual and emotional growth. The ““crucible of community”” tends to magnify and reflect back to us our own most destructive or alienating attitudes and behaviors.
We become magnifying mirrors for each other. The more intensely we dislike these attitudes and behaviors in others, the more likely we have them in ourselves (or used to have them), although we may be unaware of it. The more we criticize other people for them, the more likely that we're unconsciously condemning ourselves for doing the same.
The rock-polisher effect
The close and frequent interactions with other cohousing residents or forming group members about how we'll live and work together tend to evoke some of our worst and most destructive behaviors. And potentially, it can heal them. I call this the ““rock polisher”” effect. Rocks in a rock tumbler first abrade and then polish each other. Our rough edges are often brought up and then worn smoother by frequent contact with everyone else's. But the rock-polisher effect can be so painful it ejects some people right out of a forming group, or the group becomes so fraught with conflict that it breaks up. Through good community process we can make the rock-polisher effect more conscious. Rather than suffer helplessly, we can use community as a powerful opportunity for personal growth. The process of sharing resources and making decisions cooperatively in community - and no longer being able to get away with our usual behaviors - is a wake-up call to the soul. Community offers us the chance to finally grow up.
Some cohousing communities, such as Sharingwood Cohousing in Snohomish, Washington., help maintain well-being in the community by establishing a team of consensus and process facilitators whose job it is to train meeting facilitators, introduce process methods and keep an eye out for potential conflicts, intervening when necessary. ““Get your best facilitators and the people most interested in process,”” says Sharingwood resident Rob Sandelin. “Encourage them and give them funds to get training in and bring back good process techniques back to the group. The investment of time and money in good group process will more than pay for itself in community health and well being over the long run.”
As you'd expect, the same kinds of communication and process skills that enhance love relationships do the same in community - sharing from the heart, listening to each other deeply and telling difficult truths without making each other wrong. This includes speaking to and perceiving others in ways that allow us to stay in beneficial relationships with them while discussing even the most sensitive subjects. Nourishing sustainable relationships
Here are some “good process skills”” communities often use to create sustainable relationships:
Speaking more consciously
This involves speaking to one another in ways that tend to increase, rather than decrease, the level of harmony and well-being between people. When communication is ““clean”” enough, people feel confident they can talk to each other about anything, including disagreements or sensitive issues, and still feel good will and connection. These include using ““I”” rather than ““you”” messages, checking assumptions, describing feelings with real feeling words (““angry,”” ““worried””) instead of blame-words (““criticized,”” ““manipulated””), and using neutral language to describe behaviors rather than characterizing people negatively.
The most effective communication skills I've found are those of Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication process, which help people speak to each other in ways that tell the deepest truths while enhancing good will and deepening their connection.
It takes time, energy and willingness to change the ways we habitually talk with people, so that our conversations enhance, rather than diminish, our relationships. At first these methods may feel ““unnatural.”” It helps to remember that all communication skills, including those we use now, are learned behaviors, and we can learn new ones.
Creating communication agreements.
Conflict can arise because of the widely differing communication styles and behavioral norms that people bring to community from different regions, subcultures, and socio-economic backgrounds. So some groups agree on and write down explicit communication and behavioral agreements. For example, is jumping in before someone has finished speaking considered a disrespectful interruption, or normal lively conversation? Is coming directly to the point considered respectful of each other's time, or brusque and preemptory?
Check-ins. Check-ins can occur before decision-making meetings, or in separate meetings. Everyone around the circle briefly shares what's going on in their lives or what's present for them. No one interrupts or responds-there's no sympathizing, criticizing or offering advice.
Sharing circles.
(Also called wisdom circles, the talking stick process, listening circles, heart shares and the council process.) These are sessions in which people share what's true for them and listen to each other deeply. Inspired by the Native American talking stick process, the purpose is not to solve problems or make decisions, but to explore issues and learn together, share personal stories and become closer to each other, or hear everyone's truth, pain, or joy about community issues. People usually sit in a circle. One person at a time picks up the talking stick or object and speaks from the heart. This often opens the door for others to do the same. Everyone has an opportunity to speak but also may choose not to do so.